The Golden Child's Bronze
by XxPorcelainKnightXx
Summary: Makoto was the ideal person to have as your child. He rarely complained, he never made a mess, he willingly took care of his siblings, he never did nor wanted to inconvenience anyone, he always put everyone else's feelings first… He was ideal; he was the golden child. He always was… So when he noticed something abnormal about himself, he never vocalized it and kept it to himself.
1. The Golden Child's Bronze

A/N: This fic is in the same universe as "Even that is Unallowed", so there may be some references or conversations made that relate to or are in that fic.  
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Makoto was the ideal person to have as your child. He rarely complained, he never made a mess, he never got in fights, he willingly took care of his little siblings, he never was inappropriate, he never did nor wanted to inconvenience anyone, he always put everyone else's feelings first… He was ideal; he was the golden child. He always was…

So when he noticed something abnormal about himself, he never vocalized it and kept it to himself. He decided it would be easier to suppress it… After all, this would cause problems for his family as well as his friends… He didn't want to do that. He'd prefer to have them never know. Besides, maybe he was just confused. After all, this feeling had only surfaced once and only to one person, so perhaps it was the length of time he had been spending with them was all. Surely if he distanced himself a bit it would go away.

…It had to… He didn't know what to do if it didn't. How would he deal with being like that? How would he tell his parents- his friends? Would he even have to? _Should _he? He didn't know… so until he could decide what to do, he didn't mention it and ignored the feeling- as predominant as it was.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

…There it was again. It was slight, but it was slight in the way a pebble falling out a dam was… Water would slowly seep through it and eventually erode the space around it until the entire thing collapsed. Regardless, he ignored it, hoping before the "dam" broke he'd figure out a way to deal with the "hole". He went about his day as normal, Nagisa clinging to Rei a bit more than usual… But that was to be expected with their current living situation. He laughed at something one of them had said, his body on autopilot in his responses while he was deep in his own head.

Honestly, maybe telling his parents was the best thing to do… But… He was scared. He wasn't scared of their reaction- they told him all the time about how no matter what he did, what happened, what he liked or disliked they'd still love him. He knew that… But he was still scared. It's not that he didn't believe them! It was just…  
He was sure that some part of them couldn't love his choice fully if he decided to go through with it. He was sure that they'd have to avoid talking about it or be embarrassed when addressing it in front of others. They'd never get to talk to him about a number of things that he would have been able to do "normally" if that's what he decided to do… In fact, thinking about it that way, he wasn't even sure if they'd know what to do. Since they themselves had never…

"…Makoto?" Haru called him simply, but with confidence, snapping him out of his daze. "Huh? Oh, I'm sorry." He felt terrible- he hadn't been listening to his friends. It could have been important or pertaining to him and he had basically been ignoring them. Haru narrowed his brows a bit, knowing Makoto only stopped replying or commenting when he was busy thinking…  
If he did that in front of everyone instead of waiting until he was alone, it was serious. He was always very courteous, so this worried Haru. "…It's nothing." He said simply, knowing full well his best friend would object and now contribute to the conversation. It was terrible of him to be manipulative to Makoto like that, but… He did it all the time. Makoto should really learn to stand up for himself more.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Makoto wanted to race in the freestyle 200 meter… That was odd. Everyone else thought so, but mostly Haru. Why? That had to be a reason behind it. Sure enough, later, he had asked him to race him seriously. Why? There was something wrong with him lately… But he agreed none the less after some questioning.  
Makoto acting oddly had an effect on Haru as well. He also was buried deep in through during moments when he would usually just quietly be enjoying himself- like while taking a bath. What… Was bothering him? Should he ask him? Makoto usually could figure things out himself if you let him… Besides, if he asked, he'd only brush it off or outright not answer him. Makoto had always done what he wanted, but it had naturally been in the best interest of others… So then the only time he was conflicted was when…

It was about him being "selfish".

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

He lost. He felt like sobbing. He knew long before the race was even over that he would always have to see Haru's back… Whether it was out of fear or simply not being able to compare to him… He would always see his back. He'd have to see it when they separated sometime in life as well. It was bound to happen… Even if it was only a little bit, it would happen. He'd have to watch Haru leave him and get a different job from him, get a girlfriend, not live so close by anymore… He knew it.

But it didn't hurt any less, even with knowing. He choked down a threatening sob, forcing himself to smile. Where had he heard that if you smile when you're sad that it'll eventually actually make you feel better? How long ago had he heard that and stuck to it as if he'd die otherwise? He gave Haru a wide smile, congratulating him on his win with slight if almost no at all whining. Haru looked shocked for some reason at his reaction. What had he expected? Something different? For him to be angry? That was so uncharacteristic, so it wouldn't have happened at all. Maybe he had expected something unexpected from him since he had asked for the race in the first place?

…At least if it was only a single tear or so, he could blame it on the water… After all, it was the safest place to cry if you were quiet enough about it. He usually stuck to the shower when crying… And he was sure regardless of their wins today, he'd sob hysterically later. He had promised himself that if he won he'd…  
He couldn't ask him directly like he had wanted to when Haru had asked him about why he wanted to race him… So he made it a personal competition as well as one against Haru... And he had lost both, resolving to see Haru's back for the rest of his life… And he was okay with that… Or so he kept telling himself, eventually hoping to believe it one day.

"Hey… Why did you want to race against Haru-chan?" Nagisa asked while the others were too deeply interested in watching all of the other swimmers. "I wanted to try swimming a serious race against Haru." He replied, giving him the same reply he had given Haru when asked about it. Makoto's brows narrowed a bit, almost as if tired from smiling so often or maybe even the weight in his body weighing his expression down into something almost neutral.  
"…I'm not sure why… Maybe I was jealous of Rin." Nagisa could tell, just from looking at Makoto that that was true… But it wasn't the entirety of what he was feeling at the moment. He knew that look of longing well, having done it himself many times… But all he could manage was an, "…I see." And that was the end of it… But it was at that moment that Nagisa knew a big secret he'd never breathe a word of…

Makoto liked Haru.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

They graduated. It was a terrifyingly wonderful feeling of adulthood. It was all over and yet… Just starting. How contradictory, yet convenient. Makoto's parents were probably more overjoyed than he was, constantly snapping pictures of him and his friends and siblings. Nagisa said they should celebrate, Rei actually agreeing. Gou offered this one restaurant that she had been wanting to try and everyone decided that was fine. Makoto was still very busy in his own head to register this, but he agreed on auto piolet.

While they were on their way there, Haru lagged behind a bit, tugging in his bracelet ever so slightly. Makoto noticed though. He always did when he it came to Haru. "…Are you okay?" He asked once they had fallen behind a bit from the others. "Huh? Yeah, I'm fine, why?" Haru looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "…You don't have to lie to me you know."  
"Huh? Lie? I'm not lying. Seriously, nothings wr-"

"Makoto." Haru said sternly and simply again, making him quickly close his mouth. It was quiet for a moment, Makoto sure Haru was angry with him now. "…If you don't want to tell me because you're worried that it'll bother me or be a burden to know… It won't. I'm here for you. You're my best friend." They were comforting words, but they tore at his chest and he couldn't stop his eyes from welling. He stopped walking and Haru had only taken one step past him before stopping in turn.

"…I know…" He choked out. Haru wanted to interrogate him, ask him if it had to do with them graduating or not being in the same swim team as Nagisa and Rei or… Ever since the 200m Freestyle relay- no, even before then… Makoto had been acting oddly. If Haru could help, be a shoulder to lean on, he would do it for him in a heartbeat. Makoto was the one who was scared of leaning on him and making him fall over under his weight.

Haru sighed deeply, squaring his shoulders and standing as tall as he could. Makoto buried his face in his shoulder and clung to him, crying. "I'm sorry…" Haru patted his head, gently tugging him away before the others noticed and tried to ask him what was wrong and are you okay and then keep their eyes trained on him for the entire dinner… Makoto sniffed and whimpered, allowing himself to be tugged along by Haru.

He took him down a side street, and another, then another until there was not a single person in sight. He let Makoto cry all over him. This was probably the only time Haru didn't like getting wet- not that he didn't care about Makoto's feelings. It was quite the opposite. He didn't know what to do when he started crying and he hated that about himself. He hated Makoto for it to since he never did it often enough for him to try to comfort him properly. When Makoto was done crying, he just kept apologizing. "If you're going to keep apologizing, you could at least tell me what for." Makoto jumped in his skin, but didn't say anything. "…You going to shoulder all the weight again?" Haru asked and Makoto simply nodded.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

College was odd. It was this huge, expansive place where there were so many new faces and people all there for so many different things… It was a wonderful way to lose yourself and then find yourself all over again. Makoto was going for EMT training to be a firefighter. He found it rather interesting actually. He had taken anatomy during high school and liked it, so he didn't mind the medical field, but he still liked being able to work with his body. So when he found you needed both to be a firefighter, he quickly took to it.

He and Haru had actually sat down and had a conversation about it. Haru basically had no idea what he was going to do so long as he could still be in the water. Makoto offered he could be a lifeguard, Haru told him that was mostly bench sitting. They then went through a number of jobs that would allow Haru to be in the water.

"You know, you were really good with Ren and Ran whenever we'd go to the pool. Maybe you could be an instructor. I know you personally don't swim anything other than freestyle, but you can still teach kids how to do other styles. Plus you'd get to be in the water all the time." Makoto offered. Haru honestly considered it… And before they knew it, he was going to college to be a swimming instructor.

Of course, this came with its own set of difficulties… But Makoto was sure he'd manage. …Eventually. He wondered if his throat would hurt from talking more than usual… They saw each other less in spite of living close, but Makoto still went to get him out of the tub in the mornings.

However… "…This… This is going to be the last day I'm going to do this." Haru looked up at him, completely taken aback by the statement. He blinked at him, not sure if he had heard him correctly. "I think because we're starting college that you should be able to do this on your own and get to class on time without my help. It's… Part of being an adult. I can't do this for you forever, even if I wanted to." He said, adding a laugh to the end to try to lighten the mood. "…So you don't want to?" Haru asked him, noting how he chose his words. "Wha- n-no I don't min-"

"I didn't ask you if you minded or not. I was asking you if you never wanted to do this." He asked him, his tone serious and almost a bit dark. "I…" Makoto was confused- where had this come from? Was he mad at him because he wouldn't be coming to see him in the morning anymore? Did he think he was abandoning him? He sighed and pulled him into a hug, tub water and all. Haru didn't move, his brows knitted together. "I like coming to see you in the morning and I like knowing you made it to class on time… But if I were to keep doing this for you, it may eventually turn into a problem… What if there are mornings when I can't or eventually have to be at work? What if you get a girlfriend?" He reminded.

He gently pulled away, trying to get Haru to look him in the eyes who refused and avoided his gaze. "Haru… Please look at me. I know you're mad… But we both have things we need to work on… Don't we? After all, you lectured me about this not too long ago." …Haru broke and looked up at him. "…I can get myself up. I just like waiting for you is all. You worry me sometimes too because you're so quiet about how you're feeling… So I like knowing you're okay when you come to see me in the mornings. And I don't want a girlfriend. It's too much of a hassle."

Makoto chuckled. That sounded like Haru. Married to the water after all… No one could ever compare… It hurt to think that, but he had accepted it- maybe he always had… But still wanted to try fighting it in his own little way, just to lose… This was the first bronze the golden child had ever received and it hurt him terribly… Because this was the thing he had put the most effort into. Had put his heart into… Had actually _wanted_ more than anything. Knew without any doubts that he was doing this for himself. And yet he lost…

He looked at Haru, who was still in his bathing suit, fresh out of the tub. He sighed, a tired, yet warm smile easing onto his features. "…I know. Thank you for worrying about me. …But I mean it. I won't… I won't do it anymore. I'll text you if you'd like, but that's it. I won't go out of my way to see you in the mornings anymore." He specifically chose those words. He wanted it to hurt a little. It was childish, but he did… He needed to distance himself from the person who meant the most to him in the world or else he'd never be able to get over it.

He was sure that even as he tried this, he'd see him or they'd meet up and the feeling would rise right back up that he had worked so hard to repress and choke him. It would fill every part of his being and turn into this wonderfully calm sweetness that was so bitter and painful because he couldn't relish it at all. It wasn't a feeling for him to have solely to himself if at all.

So… He didn't come see Haru the next morning. Or the next… And Haru hadn't seen much of him and he was starting to feel lonely. This was his best friend- the person who meant the world to him. The person he saw every day without fail… And to suddenly not have that happen was just… It hurt. He pulled himself out of the tub, wishing Makoto were there, even calling him "Haru-chan" in spite of his hate for the nickname while offering him his hand. He never really felt awake until that hand had reached out for him and pulled him out of his underwater dream world…

And now it was gone.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

A/N: I just… FREE IS KILLING ME! I was literally coming up with headcannons while watching episode six and I just… I was on the verge of tears okay. This is not okay. I can't handle these boys… Oh, also I was watching some irl swimming and I just… I turned into Gou. It was great and they did the butterfly and I felt so accomplished knowing what it was!


	2. Feigning Normalcy

"HEH?! MAKO-CHAN GOT A GIRLFRIEND?!" Nagisa yelled across the table. Haru was stunned. His mouth was slightly agape, his eyes wide, and shocked into silence. When had this happened? Why was he told along with everyone else? You'd think given their friendship he would have at _least _heard about this before them! Is that where he's been? Why he hasn't really seen much of him? Makoto rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah… I didn't tell you guys?" Haru was practically fuming in silent rage. "oh I didn't tell you guys that I totally went off and got a girlfriend and abandoned my **_best FRIEND AND GOT A GIRLFRIN_**-"

"…Haruka-sempai?" Rei asked, noting his expression. He was so angry his face was turning bright red. "Wha! Haru!" Makoto quickly flailed, not knowing what to do for his friend- he had never seen him like this. He had seen him pout- and he was kind of making that expression right now but… Wait was he mad? "Aaahhh! Water, water…!" Makoto grabbed Haru's cup and quickly placed it to his mouth- Haru didn't budge. "…I'm sorry, Haru!" Makoto said, dumping the water on him in the middle of the diner, causing everyone to stare.

He blinked. And blinked again. He was wet. Had it rained? No they were inside… What… What happened? "Haru…?" Makoto asked cautiously. Haru looked over at him and blinked, still a bit confused as to what just happened. "…So when can we meet her?" Everyone sighed deeply in relief and collapsed in their seats.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

"Everyone, this is Hajime. She's studying nursing, so I have quite a few classes with her. This is Rei, Nagisa, and Haruka." Makoto said, motioning to each of his friends accordingly. "Uwa~! She's so pretty!" Nagisa gushed, making her flush. She was a petite thing with short blonde, curly hair and brown eyes. She currently had on a sundress and some simple heels.

So this was her… Haru didn't say anything, Rei shook her hand. "Nice to meet all of you!" She said, giving each of them a radiantly warm smile. "Waa! She's got a mommy-smile like Mako-chan's daddy-smile! Are you guys gonna have tons of kids? I bet you are and they're all gonna be really cute!" Nagisa jumped ahead before Rei could stop him. "Aaaaaah! Nagisa-kun!" He smacked his hands over his mouth, Hajime's eyes going wide as she flushed. Makoto tried to laugh it off a bit.

"…They'd have to have sex first…" Haru grumbled. Makoto heard him since he was apt to paying attention to him more so over anyone- even with his new girlfriend. This comment made him flush however. Probably since it was coming from Haru- meaning somewhere in his head, Haru had just imagined Makoto… No. No. Drop it. That's something that will never happen and you know it. Besides… Haru should be something he gave up on already…

Nagisa kept making off-hand comments and complimenting Makoto's girlfriend, Rei constantly trying to shut him up. She said she didn't mind really. He was cute. "How old is he? A nineth year?" Nagisa stopped talking for a moment. "Uh, er, no… Nagisa is a third year." Makoto corrected. "What, really?! Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" Nagisa gave her a slight laugh. "It's okay. I don't think I've ever had that happen before, actually." Makoto noticed Rei silently rubbing his back, but didn't mention it.

Haru was still pouting. While Hajime made conversation with the pair, he slipped away towards Haru. "…Hey. You okay?" Haru nodded. "It's still kind of a shock is all… You having a girlfriend. I mean you always seemed like the perfect boyfriend type aside from your indecisiveness and inability to tell people what's wrong, but…" Makoto jumped a bit. Haru looked up at him, a smirk on his face. "She's got her work cut out for her."

"D-Do you really mean that?" Haru looked away and shrugged. "Considering you're talking with me and left her alone with those two, yes. She's your girlfriend, not me. Keep her company." Haru lectured, calling him out on it. Makoto stuttered for words, but found none. He silently went back to Hajime.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

She was sweet- really sweet. Even like this, she was kind and so was he. Even covered in sweat and panting under him, she was sweet. …He didn't like it. But he didn't stop either. She threaded her fingers in his hair and all he could think about was what was _wrong_ with her. No, not wrong with her… Wrong with him. He kept touching her, but kept thinking about how he didn't want to be touching her. He didn't like how she felt under his fingers.  
She had a slight stomach on her, but no muscle and her thighs were the same. He didn't like it, but gently ran his fingers along her skin anyways. She was flat chested, but it was still more than he wanted on a body. He still touched her and kissed her though. Her skin was soft and she was so gentle in calling him… Her toes curled and he just kept thinking about how odd it felt to press into her. He didn't like this at all… Yet he couldn't deny her. This was his girlfriend… Besides, stopping mid-way was rude to her… But he didn't like it.

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"…I had sex with my girlfriend." Makoto said casually from Haru's couch. His best friend looked over his shoulder at him, practically frozen. This was a shock. "…Announcing something like that isn't like you." He mumbled. "…I know." Makoto got up and went in the kitchen, his body naturally wanting to take its time and almost prowl like a large cat. He was in one of those moods… It was rare and usually only Haru saw them, but he had them none the less. He wasn't always kind after all… It was usually only flickers of his expression or small spurts, but… This seemed different.

"…I don't think I liked it very much. If she wanted me to, I could do it again, but I don't think I'd enjoy it." He admitted to him. "…Does that make me a bad person?" Haru didn't reply for a moment and dealt with cooking the mackerel. "…Did you tell her that?" Makoto leaned his back against the counter, his hands supporting him. "…No."

"…You're a terrible boyfriend." Haru said harshly. Makoto jumped a bit. The reply was a bit more immediate than he would have thought it to have been. "You should tell her so you can work on it and fix what you didn't like about it."

"It's not…" Makoto quickly cut in. "…I don't think it's something she can fix… I don't want to hurt her feelings-"  
"So you'd rather lie to her?" Haru asked, turning the stove off in one swift, angry motion. Makoto didn't reply, his head deep in thought for a moment. "…Yes. I think I would." Haru was taken aback by his answer. Makoto would have never replied like that in all the time he's known him. He was honest and kind. This wasn't like him. "…Why?" Haru asked, feeling although the person in front of him was a stranger wearing his best friend's face. "…Because… It's easier for me to deal with that way. …Does that bother you?" He asked him, removing himself from the counter.

Haru studied him for a moment. …Yes. That did bother him. He was worried about him. Ever since their last year in high school, Makoto had been… "…It's none of my business. It's your girlfriend, not mine. If you want to lie to _your_ girlfriend, that's your choice." Makoto laughed at him a little, confusing Haru even more. "I'm sorry…!" He waved it away, the smile still on his face. He had just thought, wondered, mused… What Haru would have done if he had been his girlfriend.  
Would he be upset if he had found out Makoto was keeping secrets like that? Still… It's not like he'd have that issue with Haru. He had always been honest with him save for that one single thing he'd never breathe a word of to him… Even now, he couldn't tell him he enjoyed being alone with him more than he should have, or that he thought about kissing his neck where his hair stopped, or that he liked staring at his bareback while he wore nothing but an apron and a bathing suit.

…He'd never breathe a word of it.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

"…Hey, Nagisa? Can I ask you something…?" Makoto said from his end of the phone. "Huh? Sure! What's up?" It was quiet, the cackle of silence between them for a moment. "You and Rei are… Together… Right?" Again, there was space and air stuck between their words. "…Yeah."  
"…How'd you tell your parents?"

"Huh?" Nagisa was confused. Why was Makoto suddenly asking him this? He had a girlfriend and everything, right? "…Mako-chan, are you okay?" Nagisa asked, the tone of worry in his voice. "…Yes." No… That much was obvious… Still, if that's what he was asking about, he should probably tell him before Makoto decided to change the subject. "Well… I mean, they kind of assumed it on their own and got angry with me- me liking boys I mean… I mean I guess they were kind of right because I'm with Rei-chan, so I guessed they saw it before I ever did, so I never really _had_ to tell them. But… I did tell them I was dating Rei-chan recently… I was so scared… But I wanted to tell them what was going on with me. I'm sure if I was a parent, even if I was angry at my kid for their decisions, I'd still worry about how they were doing."

There was a pause before Nagisa continued, swallowing hard. "…I was really scared. I had no idea what I'd say… "hey you were totally right and I'm a flaming faggot just like you guessed and I'm dating the person you entrusted to be my tutor"?" Makoto winced at the harsh words Nagisa chose to address himself with. "…But… I don't feel like that's something you can change about yourself. We're not robots. We can't just flick a switch and let that dictate who we like. I think I feel in love with Rei from the moment I meet him, honestly- ah, sorry, I'm getting distracted!" Nagisa said with a laugh.

"But… I couldn't _verbally _tell them. I was too scared to do that… In person, over the phone… I just… Couldn't. I'd choke just thinking about it. So, Rei-chan reminded me that wasn't the only form of communication… I could write them letters or emails if I wanted. Even send them a picture or an invitation to something. So… I wrote them a letter. It started off really long and I kept adding things I didn't need to and I just… I ended up sending them three lines…  
"Hi, I miss you. I'm dating Rei-chan now because I like him very much. I love you very much, Nagisa."  
And that was it. They didn't reply to me yet, but they know at least."

Makoto was quiet while he listened to Nagisa tell him what happened. That did sound easier… But he felt obligated to do so verbally… But… He wasn't. Not really. At least writing his parents would give them time to think of a reply… But in the meanwhile, where would that leave him? Questioning how they felt about him all of this time? "…Thank you. I'm gonna go now." Makoto said, hanging up before Nagisa could reply. He sighed and looked around his room.

God she had been so upset with him… Especially because he hadn't really given her the reason as to why they had broken up. She probably assumed because they had sex recently that… She probably thought he was just like every other guy out there. She deserved a lie better than that at least… He laughed at himself, pitifully and felt his smile break. When had that first started to happen? When had he no longer been able to keep smiling no matter the situation…?

…When he lost Haru? Or when he started distancing himself from him? Regardless… He needed to tell his parents. Tell them he wasn't "normal" and was never going to have kids. Tell them he wasn't ever going to get married or have a cute little wife. They'd be so disappointed… And he'd hate to do that to them. He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, trying to force the tears back inside.

It didn't work and only frustrated him further. He choked, then quickly pursed his lips to keep himself quiet, only resulting in him being unable to breathe from a running nose. He went to breathe from his mouth and it only resulted in another sob. God he was pathetic and off and abnormal and weak… He was terrified of disappointing his parents… He had already lost Haru, he kept telling himself that.

He lost the 200m race… He lost, so he didn't have the right to ask him out. He told himself that if he had won, he'd ask him out. …And he had lost. He was so pathetic and hung up over something that happened _months _ago… Someone should hit him right now- he was so frustrated.  
He stood up on shaky knees and bent over to pick up a book Hajime had tossed onto the floor. His fingers were shaking and his eyes blurry from tear still. He missed the first time, the second time he dropped it, and by the third time he just chucked it as hard as he could against a wall letting out a guttural yell of frustration. He flopped down onto his bed, burying his face in his hands and resolving himself to sobbing for a while.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

His room was still a mess- in fact the entire small apartment was a mess, but that was because he hadn't cleaned it yet. He hadn't touched it in a week and if someone were to come over they'd probably instantly ask him what was wrong. He sighed, deciding to clean it up today. He got out of bed, flipping the covers off and objects hitting the floor. He changed his clothes and rolled up his sleeves, staring on the bedroom which was the worst since he had told her in that room.

When he was done with the entire apartment, it was late and he was hungry. He had ended up cleaning the entire thing and not just the breakup mess. It was practically immaculate right now. He made himself a quick two sandwiches that he ate before flopping down into his bed and going to sleep. He was going to see his parents tomorrow… He was so nervous and smelled like cleaner…

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Before he came over on his usual Saturday, he had called ahead and asked to speak with them alone. They were a bit confused and tried to get him to tell them over the phone, but when he didn't comply, they agreed. He sat across from them in a chair, tea on the table, Ren and Ran sent into the other room. His hands were clenched on his knees and both of his parents kept exchanging nervous glances, wondering what he was going to say.

"…I broke up with Hajime last week." He looked up at them while letting out a shaking breathe, both of their expressions dropping. If they thought that was sorry, they hadn't even heard the beginning of it yet… Before they could ask why, he told them. "…I think I'm gay." Both of their eyes grew wide. He looked up at them through his bangs, terrified of how they'd react. His mother covered her mouth with her hand. "…Well…" His dad started, looking over at his mother. "I don't know if I approve exactl-"  
"Oh, stop it." His mother said, smacking him in the chest lightly with her hand, her hand moving away to reveal a smile. The feeling of his stomach dropping was halted while he was stuck in confusion at her reaction now. She got up and sat next to Makoto, holding his large hands in hers.

"…We know. It's okay. I know that must have been hard for you to say." Makoto's eyes well up and all he could manage was a whimper and a nod that quickly turned into a furious one. He tried to wipe away his tears with his arm, but they just kept coming. "Mom? What is Nii-chan crying?" Ran asked, Ren behind her also worried. "I thought your mother told you two to go play." Makoto shook his head and motioned for them to come into the room with the arm that wasn't trying to wipe away his hysterical tears.

They both came over and sat in his lap, asking him if he was alright and if something hurt. He shook his head, laughing and shaking his head. "No, I'm okay." He said with a laugh at how naïve they still were. They were his precious little siblings and he resolved to always be there for them, regardless of their choices. If they were wrong, he'd help them make the right ones and show them not all of their options were "wrong" or to be scared of. He'd make sure they knew because having to deal with this alone was the most terrifying thing he had ever done in his life…

And he did it without cowering behind Haru. He was proud of himself in spite of the fact that he kept crying and didn't seem like he'd stop any time soon.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

He texted Hajime. She at least deserved a legitimate reason as to why he broke up with her. Even if she didn't reply, she deserved to know. But in case she changed her number she was so angry, he first asked her out to talk. She agreed.

They sat on a bench in the park, the grass and flowers wafting off this natural, sweet scent. "…I didn't tell my friends this yet, but… It has to do with why I broke up with you. I'm sorry…" He added. "I don't want to hear sorrys- it's already over with. …Besides, I should be apologizing for throwing your things…" She mumbled, her face flushing. "Well considering I didn't tell you and basically lied, I think we can call it even." He offered. She looked up at him through her bangs and nodded while he replied with a warm smile.

"…I'm really sorry but, I honestly don't think I'm attracted to girls romantically. You're a really nice person and I feel like we'd be great friends but… I'm just not attracted to you." She listened to what he was saying, part of herself feeling like she had been the trial run for his sexuality towards girls. "I mean, I may still like girls, but… It's just that of them have ever captured my attention like this one, single person has. I honestly don't think I'm really attracted to any other guy but this one either." He said with a laugh. "It's weird… I mean, I haven't really worked it all out in my head yet, but… I know I like him. I just don't know if that means I like other guys too."

Hajime watched him speak, noticing the look he got on his face, even during just vague mentions of the person he loved. She could tell Makoto really adored him. "…You know, I heard that there are people that can't fall in love or have relationships with people until they're emotionally attached to them first. You could be like that." she offered. He looked at her with wide eyes. "…You think so?" He asked, relaxing into the bench with the prospect being put into his head. She nodded. "I know there's a word for it, I just can't think of it… If I remember, do you want me to pull an article up and send it to you?"

So she'd still talk to him? He smiled and nodded. She reciprocated his smile with one of her own. They were both the type of people that didn't like being angry with others, so they'd sure remain as friends to an extent. They kept making small talk and she had even asked him who Makoto liked, but he kindly kept refusing to tell her. She didn't mind- she'd figure it out eventually. After all, you can't love someone that much and not end up with them in one way or another.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

"Really? Really-really?!" Nagisa asked, looking over the sweets menu. Makoto nodded. "Yup. Anything you'd like. My treat." Nagisa didn't question this whatsoever about ordered about five different things. Makoto happily bought it all for him, a thank you for helping him. Nagisa being Nagisa quickly made conversation with Makoto in no time.

"…And then Rei-chan got mad at me and threatened to kick me out- I sometimes thinks he forgets we're not living together anymore." Nagisa said with a laugh. Makoto smiled and chuckled. "So, so~? Any stories about Hajime?" He added. "Ah, er…" Makoto rubbed the back of his neck. "Well… Actually… We broke up." Nagisa dropped his fork. "…Heeeeeeeeeeeeh?! Why?!" Nagisa asked, shoot up out of his chair and attracting attention. "You two were so cute together!"

Makoto smiled into his lap, still wondering how he should tell him even though he had pretty much planned what to say. But even now, he was doubting if he wanted to use those words he had decided upon. "Well… I don't know if I like girls like I thought I did." It's not that he ever really thought he did like girls… It just seemed like something he should have done like everyone else, so he did... And that was probably the worst part of it all. Nagisa's shoulders relaxed and he eventually sat himself down. "…So… You're like me?" He asked, looking at him from across the table. Makoto nodded.

"…Ah, jeeze! Why didn't you just say so!" He yelled, stuffing his face with sweets. "If that's what you were so worked up about- making Haru-chan worry about you for so long- don't think I didn't see it!" He said out loud, knowing very well Makoto was oblivious to times when Haru would worry. He was sure he knew, just not every single time and over what. "I'm sorry." He said, bowing his head. Nagisa sighed. "Well I'll take another order of this cake as an apology." He said with a wide smile on his face. Makoto nodded. "Okay. And um, Nagisa, about what I just said…"

"I know, I know! It won't slip." He said, zipping his mouth and smiling widely at him. Makoto smiled at him, a bit bashful. Nagisa was a lot of things, but he knew if you told him something you wanted to keep a secret, he would… Unless he felt that saying it would resolve a situation- in which turn he would put you in a position where you revealing that secret could solve a huge problem. He was devious like that. Still, Makoto trusted him.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Makoto swallowed hard. He wondered if Haru was still mad at him. He knocked and when a reply wasn't received, he let himself in as always. He went up to the bathroom and knocked. "…Haru?" He called while he knocked on the bathroom door. He sighed and opened it, the boy looking up at him from the water. "…What happened to "I'm not coming anymore"?" He asked, not moving from the tub. "…Well… I know you don't have class today, so I wanted to talk before I went to mine. If that's okay… So I'm technically not here to pull you out."

Haru kept looking up at him, but eventually nodded, lowering himself into the water all the way up to his nose like he tended to do. Makoto sighed and sat down. "…So… I broke up with Hajime last week. Nagisa and Rei already know, I spoke with both of them." He had come to him last? He was kind of upset… But he had still come to him none the less. Besides, Haru _had _called him a bad boyfriend… So would this only confirm that? Was he scared to tell him because of that?

"…I stopped lying. I told her." He said, referencing a conversation that they had a while ago. "…When we were having sex, I told you there was something I didn't like and that she couldn't fix and it wasn't something we could work around... I think the thing that bothered me most was that I kept comparing her to a boy. I don't think I'm interested in girls, so I broke up with my girlfriend." Haru lifted his face out of the tub, looking at him in complete shock.

Makoto was… Seriously? Makoto wanted to tell him the conversation he had with Hajime but… He couldn't bring himself to do it. Haru may want to know who he adored more than anyone- maybe even just figure it out on his own… He didn't want him to know. "So… I wanted to tell you."

"…Is this why you stopped coming to get me in the morning?" He asked, narrowing his eyes. "H-Huh?" Makoto's face flushed. Oh no… Did he notice? "Do you get turned on or something? It's not like I don't have pants on. I did that one time in middle school and you freaked ou-"  
"YEAH OKAY I REMEMBER THAT." Makoto said, waving his hands in front of his face while jumping away from Haru. "…So is that why? You like guys and don't want to cross that line with me or something?" He asked, trying to see why Makoto had practically abandoned him. He could lie to him… He could… But he didn't want to lie to Haru… "…Do you want me to get out and then we can talk?" He offered. Makoto nodded and left the bathroom even though he knew Haru was in his swim suit like he always was.

He looked at the clock. He needed to head to class soon… Then an idea clicked in his head. He took out a notebook, scribbled something on a piece of paper and left. If he tried to tell Haru he'd probably just make him stay… Or at least that's what he told himself. He knew Haru would let him go if he needed to. He'd just want to talk later is all. So why avoid him? It was unnecessary… But he did it anyways.

Haru was still drying his hair, but he was fully dressed. "…Makoto?" He called, the house empty. He spotted the out of place piece of paper and picked it up. In a familiar scrawl it read "I've got to go to class, we can talk later". Haru sighed and set it back down on the table. Why not just tell him? …He was still avoiding him… He hated this.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

It had been a week. He hadn't talked or seen Haru at all. But it was no surprise when he found him waiting outside of his apartment. Haru knew where he lived… It was a bit of a distance from his house- he had made sure of it. "H-Haru! Why are you here? Were you waiting long? I'm sorry…!" Haru stood up and brushed his pants off. "…I waited for a week, so yes, I was waiting long." Makoto was confused. Haru sighed and pulled out the note he had left. "I took that as a "I'll be back later" kind of memo. Apparently I was wrong."

Makoto shrunk into himself and apologized. He opened his door and let Haru in. "Do you want something to eat or drink?" He offered. "I don't have anything spectacular but-"  
"No. I want you to it and we can talk. Please stop putting it off." Makoto honestly didn't even remember what they were going to talk about. He had just been so set on avoiding him… He got a water bottle out of the fridge and gave it to Haru, who drank it in spite of saying he didn't want anything. He still knew him best after all.

"…So… What were we going to talk about again?" He asked with a sheepish smile. Haru sighed and restrained from rolling his eyes. "…We were talking about why you were avoiding coming to see me in the morning. I wanted to know if it had anything to do with your liking guys." Oh yeah… That's why he left. It was yes and no- it's not like everyone was attractive to him- in fact, he was pretty much himself around any and every one. But Haru was… He was Haru. He still didn't know if he wanted to lie to him about it or not.

"…Yes and no… I think Haru is a very beautiful person, so I…" Haru stopped being harsh with him. With a weak tone like that and such a childish look on someone so large was pathetic. He sighed and patted his head. "Don't be ridiculous. It's not like you'll jump me, even if you like how I look." Makoto looked at him, a bit scared. "…You'd think…" He mumbled. Haru raised an eyebrow. What did he mean by _that_? "…Makoto-"  
"I… This is really kind of hard for me to say to you… It's why I went to tell you last. It was easier to tell Rei and Nagisa because I didn't feel this way about them- I-I mean it's not like… Wait- no, um… What I meant was-"

"…Please just say what you want to say- not what you _meant_ to say." Haru cut him off, a bit annoyed with watching him fumble all over himself. It would be easier like that if he just said what he wanted- if he was selfish for once. "…I… I don't want you to dislike me… Or for me to inconvenience you at all…" He grumbled, still hesitating. "…Makoto. How you're feeling is no inconvenience to me- it's never been like that. I've never complained if you come crying to me, if you're scared and hide behind me, if you're happy and want to show me something or do something with me… And I never will be. So… Will you please just share with me how you're feeling already?"

Makoto felt his chest swell. He couldn't keep the words down even if he wanted to anymore… Even though they came out, they were choked and forced and it was like pushing something thick and hard through a small tube. "…I… like you…" Haru knew he was going to say it. Through his fumbling, it was obvious… But it didn't stop his face from flushing any more than it did.

"…Now was that so hard?" He asked, pressing their foreheads together. "…It was awful." Haru felt a smile tug at his lips.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・Free! ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

A/N: Yaaaaay for demisexual Makoto~!


End file.
